Colors

I worked on my Rubik’s cube. People came in and out of the front door and sometimes the back door. They probably looked at me but I didn’t look at them. I just sat in Dad’s armchair, in the corner of the livingroom, working on my Rubik’s cube.

Mom asked me a question. I remember hearing the slow notes of her voice but I didn’t hear the words. I remember that when she tried to talk to me I almost had the blue side done. Then, when she stopped talking, I screwed it up.

I thought about grocery shopping at Meijer. Mostly, I thought about the camera department. Dad always made me run and grab a pack of Fuji film while he went and picked up the bananas or the chicken or something. He said he was timing me.

People came in and out of the doors and there were no lamps on in the livingroom. They probably worried I was hurting my eyes staring at the Rubik’s cube because there was not much light coming in through the window. I could see their dark suits and dresses out of the corner of my eye but I didn’t look up at their faces.

Jim sat down in the chair across from me. He asked how I was doing. I showed him that I was almost done with the green side and then we were both quiet for a very long time. He stood up and walked away so slowly and he probably went to make himself a drink. I was reminded of the Super Bowl. Dad and he had their annual barbecue in the backyard. I don’t remember anyone ever watching the game but people were always laughing a lot. Sometimes they asked me to sit with them on the porch and I laughed with them. I thought about that for a long time but I stared down at the Rubik’s cube so no one would know I was thinking about anything.

Mom bought me a little black suit special for today but I didn’t want it. I wanted to wear my blue jeans and tee shirt like normal and go and work on the car in the garage. That’s what he would have wanted, I thought. But Mom made me put on that suit. I didn’t know if we would get rid of that car now.

She also told me I was supposed to say something at the church today but I couldn’t think of anything so I just stood up there and everyone looked at me. Afterwards they said it was okay that I didn’t have anything to say but I didn’t want to talk to them so I went and waited in the car. Then we drove home and everyone came along.

I thought about how quiet it was in the church and how it wasn’t quiet anymore now that we were home. I didn’t know what everyone suddenly had to say. I almost had the red side done. Dad used to say, “keep your chin up,” and I wanted to say that to Jim now because he was just staring at his shoes the whole time that he was sitting across from me, but he had stood up and left by the time I remembered to say it so I just mumbled it to myself.

Mom asked what I had said but I didn’t repeat it because she wouldn’t have understood.

When everyone finally left I almost had the yellow side done but all the other sides were jumbled and the Rubik’s cube looked like a mess. I got out of the armchair and set the cube down on the little coffee table. I set it down next to Dad’s old Rubik’s cube with all the sides the right color. I just wanted to make mine look like his.